It was interesting to hear both mother and son talk about where the title came from, I mean besides the William Wordsworth poem. But I believe, and correct me Diane Rehm, if I'm wrong, but I believe that Gloria Vanderbilt used the phrase in a letter to Anderson Cooper and it stuck in his mind. To Gloria Vanderbilt the phrase, the rainbow comes and goes, means that the next rainbow is just around the corner, only just beyond our line of sight, but it is coming. To Anderson Cooper the phrase meant that there are bad times coming, you may have a rainbow now, you may be enjoying life now, but wait, just wait, the darkness will come, just you wait.
Now I have my own thoughts on the poem by Wordsworth. And this could totally be the frame of mood, or the season of my mind, that I am in.....but I feel profound sadness. The rainbow, with its comings and its goings, is always going to disappear. Yes, it may return, but only for a brief moment. For with every "coming" there is, and definitely will be, a "going." I'll read the book, because, again, Anderson Cooper can do no wrong (plus I need another audiobook for my commute), but I want to see how the title translates into the story that this mother and son team have created.
What does "The Rainbow Comes and Goes" mean to you? Comment below if you'd care to share.
I frequently fall into the rut of thinking that since my morning was crappy the whole day is lost. Every time I admit that to someone they remind me that it is always a good time to turn the day around; even if it is 7:00 in the evening. There is always time to make a good choice, to do something positive, to change the trajectory of the day. I forget this lesson time and again, and I usually need to be reminded.
This morning however, I remembered the lesson myself. I stayed up WAY too late last night, like until 2:30am, and as a result slept in (like I purposefully turned off my alarm when I crawled into bed). I woke up and by the time I got out of bed it was around 9:45am. Then instead of throwing on some clothes and getting to my goal for the day (cleaning up my living room and my work station) I laid on the couch and continued my binge watching of Grey's Anatomy. I think I watched two episodes and then I said to myself, "Stop this! It is still early in the day. Get off the couch and start straightening up. There isn't that much to do and you will feel so good once you've done it!!!! So I've just spent the past hour and a half straightening up, going through my gazillion nail polishes and deciding which I actually use and which I need to get rid of. I planned the next week out in my Erin Condren Life Planner (click here for $10.00 off your first purchase), and put away a purse for another season.
Now I am not done. No sirree! I have some garbage to take out to the recycling bin and I still have my work station to straighten up. And come to think of it, I want to utilize the filing drawer I just built to store my files. I am going to get serious and color code everything!!!
On a total spur of the moment I made plans to meet a friend for coffee. We worked together many years ago and then lost touch. 16 months ago she had the most adorable baby girl and we reconnected. I pretend I'm only friends with her to get close to the baby, but that isn't true, I really like her on her own. I mean, honestly her daughter is the cutest thing since my amazing nieces, but my friend is pretty great on her own! Anyway, she posted on Facebook that she was driving around today and I asked if she wanted to play. And next thing next we were meeting at a coffee shop to catch up.
We were talking and catching up and all of the sudden my friend started telling me about organizing and purging. I looked at her with wide, open eyes and said, "YES!!!!!" I'm not sure if I told her about my capsule wardrobe but I got a tingly feeling through my extremities. So my friend started telling me about her ideas about organizing and I just got more and more on board with everything she was saying.
I'm not going to say much more than that because I'm not sure where our conversation will lead, but suffice it to say we are getting together this weekend to discuss and flesh out her ideas more fully. More details to come when I have more to give.
But I will leave you with this song:
Once upon a time, many moons ago, I actually was a Weekend Warrior. I got out there, I followed a training plan, I HATED, you read that right--HATED--missing a workout. I hated having a blank spot in my training log. These days I can barely look at my workout clothes to be honest. But that is going to change this weekend. I know, I know, a new start can happen anytime, but I like organic starts and that will be this weekend. And as the saying goes, you have to walk before you can run, so I'm going to get out there and I'm going to walk. And you know what, eventually I'll run (again).
So I thought that a good place to start would be the old tried and true Runner's World. They polled over 2,000 Facebook readers for their best newbie runner tips of the trade. Check out the full article here, but below are the highlights:
It's the loss of spirit that is the toughest. When we get too comfortable in what we believe is a safe space to exist with that reliable paycheck, health benefits, vacation days and regular schedule, all without feeling fulfilled, our spirit slowly dies away and we become apathetic. We rarely notice the transition towards 'ho-humness" but if you start to look around at friends and family, your colleagues, your bank teller, your server - you might see it. And what we see in others is often a reflection of ourselves.
So I guess the question that begs to be asked is whether I have the you-know-whats to face the fear. To actually take a good look at my life, examine where I've become 'ho-hum' and make the change to bring back my spirit. Can I? Do I have the commitment to do it? Do I have the desire to even take the first step to make this huge change? Cause let me tell you I am WAY DEEP into the 'ho-humness.'
I once read a quote saying something about not surrounding yourself with others who have the same problems as you, that won't help. You need to surround yourself with other who have the solutions. So let's go find some solutions damnit!!!!!!
So my parents are visiting on their way back north from wintering in Florida. They break up the drive north by staying somewhere in Georgia and then here in Virginia and then they make the final push up to New England. Well as always they stay by my sister and brother in law, and my three amazing nieces. It makes sense. It totally does. I know it does. Seriously! Thou dost protest too much perhaps you are thinking. I mean I get it, honestly. My sister has a house, with a guest room. It is much more comfortable for my parents. I totally get it. I promise. But they are staying in Virginia, 45 minutes south of me, without traffic. I spend 3 hours daily in my car commuting. True I get some good reading done with my audio books. But still, I am in my car every day, most of that stopped in traffic, for 120 minutes, if not more. I don't want to drive anymore.
Here's the problem part: I feel as though I need to spend my free time with my parents. Thank goodness they are in fairly good health. They are turning 70 this year. I can not even begin to fathom life without them. I feel as though I need to capitalize on their time here and constantly be at my sister's. By being at my sister's it means a 45 minutes drive, at the least, when we are done--usually around 9:00pm which gives us time to hang out for a bit after the girls go to sleep. Honestly, like 100% truth? I don't want to have to drive home for 45 minutes when I am tired. Because that means once I get home around 9:45pm then I need to wind down and do my bedtime routine (I'll go into that in another post if you are interested). That means that at the earliest I will hop into bed at around 10:30pm. If I am getting up for work the next morning that is not enough sleep for me.
Last night I decided that I needed the night time for myself. I went to my sister's for dinner, planning on going to Tot Shabbat with them. I love seeing my nieces in their element. They truly are the most adorable people in the world!!!! But sitting at dinner, the weight of the week increasingly weighing down on me as I slowed down my body, I just knew I did not want to spend time at Tot Shabbat, then helping with bedtime, then talking and schmoozing with the family for a bit after the girls went to bed, and then driving home. I just knew I did not want to do that!!! So I made the decision that after dinner I would leave to come home while they left for Tot Shabbat. Granted I did not do it in the most friendly manner. I simply walked out the door. I never really said good by or good night to anyway.
By the time I got home I was so happy to be home. I changed into jammies, washed my face, and plopped down on the couch for some good old Grey's Anatomy reruns (all on Netflix of course). My phone rang and my first response was to ignore it. But then I saw it was my good friend who I was keeping the gratitude lists with. I picked up and am so glad I did. We had a great talk, as we always do.
I stayed up too late watching Meredith Grey and Derick Sheppard do their dance but man it felt good because I knew I did not have to wake up at any specific time the next morning.
Last night, spending time on my own was exactly what I needed. It did my body good.
Today I had a terrible, no good, very bad day, and I really just want to go to Australia. Well that is not completely true. Where I really want to be is on paid maternity leave. I say maternity leave rather than vacation because I will be busy doing things. I will be busy putting systems into place to make my life one that is worth living. I will be busy learning and doing and exploring. I will not just be sitting down eating bon-bons and watching the Ellen Show (although there is nothing wrong with that either!). Oh, I should probably state in no uncertain terms that I am not pregnant! But I want a paid maternity leave nonetheless.
So to try and turn the day around I actually took a lunch break. Like I left the office and went out. I found a little bagel shop in town and had my usual--whitefish salad with lettuce and tomato on an everything bagel. Man, let me tell you, it was just what the doctor ordered. By the time I got back to the office, about 50 minutes later, my anger and rage had simmered down. I no longer felt the need to punch my boss in the gut. I was able to be civil.
Now, on to the make-up part of the blog post. I am trying to save money, or rather not save so much as spend wisely. So when I needed a new facial cleanser I decided to leave my tried and true Clinique and move to something less costly. I found Say Yes To Blueberries, for like $12.95. I picked that one because it was anti-aging and we all know, when you hit 40 you need to start worrying about that stuff. One week later and my skin is parched in some place, oily in others, and broken out all over. I mean totally broken out, like ALL OVER. So clearly it was not working for me. I decided that today would be the day I would exchange it for something a little more in-sync with my skin.
Enter Sephora, that wonder store of cosmetics. I had one woman help me with the facial cleanser. She steered me in the direction of the Fresh brand. There was a Lotus Lovers Skin Care Collection nicely packed up and on sale. It was a great way to try the cleanser, the moisturizer, and the eye cream. All contained anti-aging ingredients and so sulfates. There was another woman to help me with the eye shadow and the liner. I knew I wanted to try the Kat Von D Tattoo Liner from my favorite blogger, Jennifer Ross, over at Pretty Neat Living. The eye shadow was a little bit trickier. I knew I wanted something light and natural to go with the fresh face spring look. But I couldn't exactly put into words what I was looking for. One was too dark and wintery looking. One was too glittery and show-y. Finally the wonderful cosmetician brought over a lovely Laura Mercier pressed eye shadow in Ginger. I loved it. It is exactly what I was looking for. Couple it with the new liner and I know it will be the look I am going for. Lastly, I knew about the make up remover from Jennifer Ross as well.
And I have to say, the time I spent at Sephora was priceless. Sometimes it is okay to be a lady and do a little retail therapy.
So I have a really good friend, and she has been a really good friend since junior high school--so for many, many years. We've gone through periods of being in touch and periods of not being in touch. Just the natural ebb and flow of not living in the same town and going to the same school. Recently we are both struggling--her with her issues and me with mine. However, we both are really working on finding the silver lining through all the uncertainty and insecurities. To wit, we decided to send each other a text each day, whenever we think of it, stating three things we are grateful for. We are working on cultivating an "Attitude of Gratitude." It is hard man, let me tell you. I mean I can't speak for my friend, but for me, it is a stretch to find three things that I genuinely am grateful for.
Monday was sort of easy, truth be told. Or maybe it was easy because I was committed to this Attitude of Gratitude and it was shiny and new. Who knows. Tuesday was a little tougher to find three things that I was honestly grateful for or about. And today.....well then today happened.
It is currently quarter after seven and I have yet to text my three things yet. I am really struggling today to find things to be grateful for. The day started on the low note, I woke to a pretty significant panic attack. And knowing that I had a fairly long commute to work I was not able to take as much Klonopin as I would have liked to. I needed to do some hard work on myself to get it under control. Then a snafu with the bank that lasted the full work day and spanned three states just to fix the bank's issue. I tried a new way home and got stuck in unmoving traffic (but at least the scenery was beautiful--now there is something for my list!!!!!!).
Thank goodness I am home, and I am not ashamed to admit I am in my pajamas, drinking an iced cappuccino. Bottoms up!!!
Now off to text my list of grateful things to my friend.
Why I'm Blogging
Just your average 40 something trying to find the way in which she can make sense of her life. I hope you'll join me for this journey.